January 2005

The new year begins with more waiting. We really should be getting use to this wait, but we're not. I have been trying to stay away from all the rumors on the Yahoo group, but it's like holding a carrot over starving horse's head. It's just not fair. There is officially only ONE group ahead of us to be matched. Just one. That means we are about SIX WEEKS away from our referral. (Rob reminded me of that the other night!) Six weeks until we have a picture of our little girl. Six weeks away from knowing where she is and where we will be going in China. I must admit that I am getting nervous. The butterflies in my stomach have officially moved in (for the next few months anyway). I can't believe I'm nervous. I have done the baby thing before...

But this is different than any pregnancy that I have been through. With a pregnancy, you at least have some idea WHEN it will happen. You know roughly WHAT she will look like based on what the mom and dad look like. You know when she arrives; she will be
newborn and will know approximately how BIG she will be. Not with adoption. We don't
know where she is. We don't know how old she is. We don't know how healthy she is.
We don't know exactly when she will be here. All we have is a picture in our minds when we close our eyes. The only reminder we have is the aching in our hearts, which I suppose, can be compared with a baby's kick during pregnancy. We honestly "feel" her.

With this new reminder of how close we are really getting to this, a sense of paranoia has set in. We are NOT ready to go to China yet!! I have this incredible packing list that I devised from many, many sample lists that I found online, and we have barely touched the surface of it. We have the luggage and backpacks to put the stuff in (thanks mom and dad for the great Christmas presents), but hardly anything to go into them! Eek. Can we say SHOPPING!?!?!?!?!?! Every week we are going to add a couple more things to the suitcases. Yes, they are already laid out ready to be packed. I have heard that's what you are supposed to do so we are not THAT weird. Are we? The cat is certainly making sure that we have enough CAT HAIR to go to China with. She makes it a point to sit on the suitcases at least once a day. (If they were open, she'd be in them!!!) It's as if SHE is waiting too. :-)

So here we are, waiting some more, but at least there is some activity in our not-so-distant future. If we get a referral in six weeks, we most likely won't travel until May (boooo hoooooo), but its still only about 120 days from when our daughter will be in our arms! Did you get that...120 days. If you look at it in days its seems so close. China here we come. (Still not ready for that 14 hour flight!!!)

I have heard different stories about match day (the day we get the call saying we have our referral). They will probably call me at work, because that is where they have called every time there has been a question. That means it may be up to me to keep my cool and ask all the important questions. I will tell everyone right now...I WILL BE CRYING when the call comes in. Regardless, I have made sure Rob has a copy of the list of questions (one at work and two at home). Just in case. Every time I think about getting "The Call", I get teary eyes. I know that's sappy and silly, but I can't help it. My dream is about to come true. I can hardly believe it. Pretty soon, I will be able to take her to the zoo, and rock her to sleep, and go camping with her AND PLAY BARBIE WITH HER!

Come on Father Time, have mercy on our impatient hearts. Bring us our baby, please.